The Awakening — The "Oh Shit" Moment
Something is undeniably stirring within me. It feels like a persistent hum vibrating under the surface, refusing to let me settle back into the familiar. Once you see — truly see — you can't unsee. And lately, my vision has sharpened, forcing me to confront truths I had unknowingly danced around for years.
Trying to pinpoint my "Oh Shit" moment almost feels comical because, honestly, there hasn't been just one. Life, in all its complicated beauty, delivered a whole symphony of them. Each moment was a jolt, a disruption, a sacred shaking of the foundation I thought was solid.
One of the first moments hit when my brother casually pointed out that I had been a caregiver since 1997, the year our father had a stroke. Nineteen ninety-freaking-seven. Suddenly, years of my life snapped into a new and painful focus. The constant juggling of appointments, the silent worry that carved lines into my face, the exhaustion of caring for my dad, my mom, and later my sister — it wasn't just helping out. It was a full-time role, a heavy responsibility I hadn't even fully acknowledged I was carrying. Now, with my sister gone and my mother starting a new life as a full-time grandmother in Indiana, the rhythm of caregiving has stopped. What remains is a deafening silence and a haunting question: Who am I now, without someone depending on me for there care?
Another awakening came in a very different — but equally jarring — moment. After an intoxicating night with a beautiful man, a night that once upon a time would have been enough, I found myself engulfed in an unexpected emptiness. The earth had moved, but I hadn't. In the stillness that followed, it became painfully clear: I wasn't craving sex; I was craving intimacy. I wanted depth, emotional connection, and tenderness — not just physical touch. It was a hard truth to face, realizing that for so long I had settled for the surface when my soul was hungry for something so much deeper.
And then there was the day the first hot flash hit. Perimenopause. The word itself felt like a seismic shift, and it carried more than just physical discomfort. It was a brutal acknowledgment that more years lay behind me than in front of me. Layered on top of that realization was the sobering truth that I am an unsupported adult — no children, no partner, no built-in safety net. For the first time, I confronted the terrifying thought: If something happened to me, who would catch me?
These moments unearthed deep regret. Regret for the years spent molding myself into what others expected instead of nurturing who I truly was. Regret for the shallow connections I had entertained, and most painfully, regret for all the times I ran from myself instead of running toward my own healing and self-love.
But here's the thing about "Oh Shit" moments: while they often feel like punches to the gut, they are also incredible truth-tellers. They don't just break you — they clear the fog. They strip away illusions, forcing you to face the beautiful, messy, aching truth of your life.
Each of my awakenings — whether through caregiving, craving connection, or confronting mortality — has converged into a single sacred commitment: to live intentionally. I’m no longer content to sleepwalk through a life built on other people’s needs, expectations, and definitions. I am choosing to live wide awake, eyes open, heart open.
This week, I’m not trying to fix everything at once. I’m not forcing a glow-up or scripting a perfect comeback. I’m sitting with it all — the grief, the gratitude, the messy beauty of being a woman who has carried much and is still learning how to lay it down. I'm acknowledging the strength it took to survive, the honesty it took to confront my needs, and the courage it takes to meet myself fully in the mirror.
This is Week 1: The Awakening. The unseeing of what was. The quiet, messy, magnificent beginning of what will be. And even though the road ahead is still hazy, one thing is crystal clear: I am finally turning toward myself. And that, in itself, feels like the most radical act of love I've ever committed to.
🖤 Are you feeling your own stirrings, sis? Is something inside you waking up and demanding to be seen?
If so, you’re not alone. This is your invitation to lean into your own Awakening.
✨ Click here to download your free "I’m Her" Guide to begin your journey.
✨ Join the Browngirl Experience Facebook community where real conversations, soft landings, and sacred sisterhood live.
✨ Stay tuned for weekly reflections, journal prompts, and reminders that you are — and have always been — HER.
🖤
You are seen.
You are sacred.
You are already HER.
#ImHer #MainCharacterEnergy #BrowngirlExperience
